Sauron, Shmauron! We're Going Home!
by Cookie Monster's Crystal Ball
Summary: Sick of all those stories where girls fly off to Middle Earth without considering the consequences? So was I. Hallie and Laura may be excited about being in a fantasy land, but Allison sure isn't. Something is very wrong with Middle Earth.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **This story was inspired by all the Mary Sues that run off to Happy Happy Land (a.k.a Middle-earth) without so much as a backward glance. This fic is for anyone who every wondered why the heck most original female characters are so quick to wish themselves away from their families, friends, and the wonders of modern technology.

Enjoy!

**+ CMBC**

**Disclaimer: **Tolkien's characters and settings are his own. I don't claim them; I'm just borrowing.

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**Chapter 1: Movie Night Goes to Hell…Sort of**

It had been raining all day. It had been raining all day yesterday, and according to the balding weatherman with the mole that could be seen from space, it would be a storm-filled weekend. Allison didn't care. This was movie night. A night like tonight was perfect for a horror flick-fest…but she was babysitting. No, she was "in charge." That's how her father put it when he requested that she look out for her siblings. She wasn't fooled. Allison would continue to be _in charge_ of her younger twin sisters, Hallie and Laura, until he and their mother came back from Chicago the next day.

It wasn't Allison's favorite way to spend her time, at least not since classes let out. The curly-topped brunettes hit fourteen and suddenly became impossible. She loved them both, but they could be a little nuts. It had been two days of non-stop rain and hyperactive teenagers. Allison couldn't wait for the weekend to end. Her boyfriend Adam's comfortable apartment and something called sanity were calling to her. She was more than ready to heed.

In the meantime, the twins were refusing to sit through any of Allison's choices. They hated horror movies, especially if there was no one worth looking at. They weren't old enough to appreciate the genius of Vincent Price, or the beauty Boris Karloff was able to express in his role as a monster, despite being upstaged by the stiff walk and make-up that made Frankenstein a classic. So, what were they to watch?

"Pirates of the Caribbean!" The twins squealed.

"No way," Allison stated firmly, snatching the movie away from Hallie. "You two have watched this 82 times. You can quote the dialogue in your sleep, and I refuse to sit through another scene with either of you throwing popcorn at the TV every time Kiera Knightly appears onscreen."

"I can't help it," Laura said with a pout, "I can't stand her. She's not even that great of an actress. Oh, and speaking of popcorn; it's burning up."

As if on cue, the smoke detector began beeping like crazy. Swearing, Allison dashed into the kitchen. Two seconds later, she marched back into the living room and informed her sisters that if they even _attempted_ to insert the DVD into the player, she'd feed their precious Legolas posters to Dumpy. Dumpy was the family dog, and he would eat anything he could sink his teeth into.

As soon as Allison left again, the twins both plopped on the sofa.

"Well, what _should_ we watch?" Hallie asked quietly.

"POTC is out. How about Kingdom of Heaven?"

Hallie shook her head vehemently. "No, and I told you to get rid of that! It's a _pirated_ copy. We could go to jail or something."

"Not if no one knows we have it. Saving Private Ryan?"

"Too gory for me. And I'm over everyone in that movie."

"Even the cute sniper?"

"Well no…but I might cry if I see him get blown up one more time. So?"

"So…."

The twins thought about it a little longer, and then, they had it. A classic. The first movie they went to see without dancing animated characters. And, the first movie that introduced them to the glory of hot elfishness that was Orlando Bloom.

"Thinking what I'm thinking?" Hallie asked, grinning impishly at her sister.

"As always," Laura replied.

Meanwhile, Allison was in the kitchen, wrestling with the almost unbearable stench of burnt popcorn and a smoking bag that would not fit into the overly-stuffed trashcan. Her dad usually took out the trash, and since he wasn't there, no one had bothered with it. Allison wasn't about to take the garbage out, not after hearing the distinct sound of squeaking the other night. Allison didn't want to know what made that creepy little noise and it would be her father's problem tomorrow.

She took a few moments to wave smoke away from the kitchen's smoke detector, since just a little would set it off again…and again, and again. She didn't feel like popping up every five minutes to make it stop, not after the day she'd had. Allison was in the process of putting a fresh popcorn bag in the microwave when a powerful clap of thunder scared the living crap out of her.

Hallie and Laura screams reached her from the kitchen floor (socks are very slippery on nice clean floors), so she didn't feel quite as stupid as she ordinarily would have under the circumstances. Smiling sheepishly, Allison rose from the kitchen floor, attempting a bit of grace to make up for how foolish she felt. Pressing the buttons on the microwave, she made a mental note to clean the machine later. Her mother would have a fit if she let it stay in its current condition.

"Hey," Allison called as she strolled out of the kitchen, "the popcorn should be done in a couple minutes, so remind me t-" Allison froze mid sentence. Hallie and Laura were staring in stunned silence at the TV. They hadn't even acknowledged her presence. Gaping in horror, Allison could see why.

The TV screen static was swirling. What's more, it seemed like something was coming out it. A few seconds later, something _did_ come out; a hand.

All three girls screamed and hopped onto the couch.

"Turn it off Hallie!" Laura wailed.

"No! You turn it off!" The twins clung to each other, whimpering. They then turned to stare desperately at their older sister.

"I know you two don't expect me to…to…" The terrified plea in their eyes shut Allison up. She sighed roughly, warily eyeing the arm that was reaching into their living room. Sometimes a big sister has to do what big sister doesn't want to do.

Allison eased off the couch and crept around behind the large television set. She thanked God her parents hadn't purchased a high definition television just yet. Otherwise, this would have been tricky. She grabbed a hold of the plug.

"Hurry, Allie!" Hallie yelled. "Both arms are through now!"

She tugged at the wire with all her might, but the thing wouldn't unplug.

"What the hell?"

She pulled and pulled, but it was useless. Suddenly, something strange happened to the wire; it became insanely hot and began to glow. Allison dropped the wire with a cry of pain. It quivered for a moment and then went still.

Ignoring her throbbing hand, Allison took her sisters by the arms and ran out of the living room.

"To my room! NOW!"

The twins didn't need to be told twice. They fled upstairs to a room that they had previously been forbidden from entering. The sound of the door slamming was deafening.

Allison didn't follow the girls upstairs right away, pausing listen to the sound their TV cracking apart from the force of whatever was coming into their world. A tiny part of her wanted to go back and see what it was. The limbs _seemed_ human, at least from what she could tell. Maybe whomever they belong to wouldn't hurt them.

"Allie! Get up here now!"

Snapping to her senses, Allison ran up the stairs and slid to the end of the hallway. She didn't want to fall again and this was no time for slamming into walls.

She tried her door but it was locked.

"Open up, damn it!" She beat on it furiously. "It's _me_! Let me in!"

"Way to go, moron. You locked her out."

"Hallie, you go unlock it! I'm scared!"

"No, _you_ do it! You locked it in the first place!"

Allison stopped banging on the door and listened. Despite the loud bickering, everything felt very quiet. That's when she heard the footsteps.

"Hallie! Laura! Hurry up, it's coming up the stairs!"

Both girls screamed, and suddenly the door was open. Allison dived through the doorway and Laura quickly locked it behind her. Hailie crawled under the large bed, and Laura went into the closet.

"Why doesn't this door lock?" she moaned.

That just left Allison, who was busily looking around for a weapon. She could hear the footsteps, and was wondering why it seemed this being, whatever it was, didn't rush in and get them. He, she, or whatever it was, was being very leisurely about whatever it planned to do. Hundreds of scenarios flashed through Allison's head, and she didn't like any of them.

There was a shadow under her door; the strange being was standing right outside.

"What's it doing, Allie?" Laura hissed from the closet.

"Will you stop calling me that? It's Alli_son_. And I don't know what it's doing. It's…standing there."

She didn't mean to be so crabby, but tense situations made her irritable. She saw the shadow shift a little. Just what was going on out there?

There were three taps at her door. No one said a word. A few seconds later, there were another three taps, longer and slightly louder than before. It wasn't a fist doing the knocking.

Allison tried to match the sound to an object, but her mind was numbed by fear. It was probably the end of a knife, anyway.

"Don't open the door!"

"Of course she's not going to open the door, Hallie. She's not _that_ stupid."

"Laura, I'm not going to open the…what do you mean '_that_ stupid'?"

"You know," said a voice, "it's very rude to keep someone waiting." The voice was old, gruff, and very authoritative, and it was coming from the other side of Allison's bedroom door.

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**Author's Endnote: **Think you've seen this before? Think you know what's going to happen next? Well, stop thinking so much; you'll get a headache. And I promise you, this story will take a turn that you cynics out there aren't expecting. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Good lord! I didn't mean to go this long without updating this story. I've neglected my writing in favor of schoolwork and side projects…but how long has it been?

Well, I'm back for the moment, and I intend to update the stories under this account. Sorry for the break.

Thanks for reading and being patient.

**Disclaimer: **Tolkien's characters and settings are his own. I don't claim them; I'm just borrowing.

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**Chapter 2: Some Call It Fate, Others Call It Kidnapping**

No one spoke. Hallie coughed, but other than that, there was silence. Finally, Laura whispered, "Should we open the door?"

"No!" her sisters screamed in unison.

"Well, I wasn't going to. I mean, I'm not leaving this closet."

As if to prove her point, she tugged noisily on the closet door, trying to make sure it was shut as tightly as possible.

"Come out of there, you baby!" Hallie snapped.

"Big talk coming from someone hiding under MY bed."

"Oh shut up, Allie."

"Alli_son_, damn it!"

"Excuse me, ladies." The stranger spoke again, this time a little louder. "I fear I have no time for your irrelevant squabbling." He tapped once, and suddenly the hall was filled with a blinding light.

Swearing, Hallie pulled the blankets down in front of her, and Allison, shaking, reached over and unplugged her lamp. She swung it once, making sure she had a good enough grip. She planned to take this person's head off.

Without warning, the door flew forward, neatly freed of its hinges. It slammed directly into a surprised Allison, sending her flying over her bed and into the wall.

The light from the hall disappeared. In its place was a tall old man with a big hat, large nose, and a long grey beard. He was dressed in all gray and leaning slightly on a long wooden staff.

"I'm sorry about that," he said after a moment. "I suppose I used too much force. That is what happens when wizards lose their tempers…or worse. You should have opened the door."

"Yeah right!" Hallie shouted from under the bed. "You're just a weird old man with homemade bombs. Just wait! Somebody probably heard that explosion and called the cops. You're going to jail, grandpa!"

"That's Gandalf," He corrected, waving his staff. Out from under the bed slid Hallie, screaming.

"You two are coming with me."

Dumbstruck and terrified, Hallie could only stare up and the elderly wizard.

"Now, where is your sister? Come out!" Another wave of the staff, and out came Laura, who landed with a thump beside her twin.

Allison, who had been knocked out, came to. She was briefly surprised by the fact that she was upside down, pressed against her wall. Kicking her door backward, she was able to tumble sideways, placing herself to somewhat of a sitting position.

"Allison, help!"

The oldest girl immediately recalled how she had come to be in that state, and stood up. She didn't quite know what to make of the oddly dressed old man, but one thing was certain, he wasn't going to do anything to them if she could help it.

She looked around desperately. The lamp! It was on her bed, halfway between her and the uninvited guest.

She looked at him and he looked at her. Allison made a dive for the lamp, only to see it move swiftly away from her.

"We will have none of that. I am quite tired of this nonsense. I would like to for us to be on own way."

"So go!" Hallie sobbed, clinging to her sister, "Just leave us alone!"

"I am afraid that is something that cannot be done. You will be coming with me."

Allison blinked. What was it with his voice? It was like he was speaking in layers, and there was a jumble of words underneath that she couldn't make out or understand.

"W-Whatever," Allison said, trying to regain her composure. "You have until the count of three to get out of here…or-"

The wizard wasn't interested. He held his staff high over their heads. His voice became loud and his words indiscernible to the startled trio of girls. What was once their ceiling bent, cracked, and flew away into nothingness.

Alison scrambled over to her sisters, hugging them to her. What the heck was this guy doing?

The room began to spin. The walls, her pictures, and even Allison's bed spun around the group until at last they were thrown away into oblivion, just like the ceiling.

Finally, everything stopped.

Fearing the worst and horrified of what she might see, Allison kept her eyes closed.

"Oh my goodness, look!"

"Wow, what is this place? Allie? Open you're eyes. It's okay. We're alive!"

"Of course you are," Gandalf said, "It was a short journey but a safe one."

Allison opened her eyes. They were in a garden and it was a bright sunny day, which struck her as odd, since it had been raining non-stop…at home.

"What the…where are we? This is not home and this not normal and-"

"We're in Middle-earth!" Hallie declared, "Duh!"

Allison stared at her sister. She heard her but she couldn't quite believe that she was saying. Middle what? When? How?

"She's right, Allie," Laura added, "I mean, where else would you meet a guy called 'Gandalf'?"

"I can think of a few places," Allison mumbled, standing. She turned towards the wizard.

"Look, um, Gandalf was it?"

He nodded.

"I don't know who you are supposed to be and frankly, I don't care. I demand that you take my sisters and I home, or give us the antidote to whatever drug you've given us."

He laughed at that. "It was no drug that allowed for that journey you and your sisters have made. And no drug will return you."

"So what will get us back then?"

"Fate."

"I'm…sorry?"

"I sincerely hope your sisters can complete the task appointed to them. Otherwise..." The wizard walked away.

"Otherwise what?"

No answer.

"Otherwise _WHAT_?"

Someone tugged at her hand, and Allison turned. It was Laura. Turning completely around, Allison could see that a man was standing there, watching them contently.

The girls noted he was dressed strangely, as the old man had been, but his robes were a clean shade of blue, giving him a look of royalty or of similar importance. His long dark hair hung far past his shoulders combed neatly back. Despite this, what stood out most was his eyes, a haunting shade of gray.

The girls looked at each other, and the man spoke.

"There is no need to be rude or loud. I will answer your questions, as I am certain there are many."

The man paused, looking from face to face.

"I am Elrond, and the place you now find yourselves is Rivendell. Come with me and I will explain why you are here." He turned to leave, motioning for the girls follow.

Laura and Hallie prepared to do so eagerly, but Allison took their hands and forced them to keep a small distance between themselves and the departing lord.

As they left the quiet garden, one thing was certain. Home was a long way away.

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**Author's Endnote: **Well, that's all until next time. Thanks for reading! 


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